i permit you to call me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
