Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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