Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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