i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
