Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
