so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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