Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
