She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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