i wish there were pregnant emoticons
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize