you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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