about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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