The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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