4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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