Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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