After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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