What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
