If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
