Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
