wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
