So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
