oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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