Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
