god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
