Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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