Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
