my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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