i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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