That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
