I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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