HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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