i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
