what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
