I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
