I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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