my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize