He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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