I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
