We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize