at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
