btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
