i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hippo gnu deer
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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