oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
