i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
