I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
