The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
