Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
