i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
