happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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