she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I am naked and annoyed.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
