Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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