having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
