I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
