I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
