too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
