The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
