I got chris browned last night
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
