Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
