i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
