He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
