i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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